It’s a weird time. I’ve arrived back in the Pacific Northwest around the time I thought I might. I told people (and myself), “I’ll be back on the West Coast by the fall and then I’ll decide what’s next”.
I find the question, “What do you want to do”? one of the most paralyzing, and I still don’t know. I think of the future as this singular gigantic entity, and my decision of what to do with it marks the end of the agency and freedom I so crave. To be melodramatic.
I suppose that’s why I don’t answer it.
As much as I love and want to continue living nomadically, the grounding of a home base feels necessary for creativity and producing whatever it is I decide “I want to do”. That home base is in the Pacific Northwest, I’m sure of that. This weekend, I met this place in a new way.
Beyond knowing that the Pacific Northwest is a home for me now, I’ll let the possibilities of work and lifestyle float together a little longer. My brother says I have until I’m 30.
I’m feeling all reflective because tomorrow I start a ten day silent meditation and I’m not at all calm about it. I get to confront all of the crazy to myself, without distraction or outlets that don’t involve meditation. Something will happen, and I’m nervous and excited to find out.